Her majesty the pointless figurehead of England has now been on the throne for 60 years. I'm only aware of this because the news, along with most other programmes, simply won't let me forget that we have such a meaningless and out-dated hag sapping the funds and the attention span of the country; let alone the fact that we’ve allowed her and her expensive family to con us for 60 whole years.
Perhaps a head of state isn’t entirely a bad idea: a focal point of the nation at important times of the year can certainly build on national identity, both strengthening our own pride (and community spirit) and also providing an amount of accessibility of our idiosyncrasies to the international community.
Now of course that’s utter rubbish, reeking of the nonsensical rhetoric spouted by royalists across all of Britain but it was worth getting it out of the way to move on to my point.
Even if I were to agree that a head of state has worth beyond occupying the dim and impressionable people of the lands, I still don’t see any reason why we should honour the part French, part German, part Turkish, totally bonkers family connection. We don’t live in a monarchy so our ‘monarch’ has no actual power; they are merely a symbol so why should we bother maintaining a blood-line?
This brings us to the obvious conclusions that if a symbolic monarch is truly justified, there is no further justification for the figure in question being appointed unelected. Although I admit an elected monarch is an absurd idea in itself and that only brings us back around once again to the pointlessness of it all.
So if I make further concessions and ignore, for now, the functionless and nepotistic nature of this unneeded tradition, I can concentrate on the ’60 years’ element instead.
The only thing required to maintain an unelected position (with no responsibilities, culpabilities or assessments of worth) on a throne for 60 years is that you stay alive for 60 years after the coronation. The queen is not held to account over any decision, action or inaction, she is not assessed by any standards that could allow her to take blame or to be forced to recompense or relinquish position which means, ultimately, she provides no service that is even worth scrutiny.
Couple this with the amount of money that’s poured into celebrating her and her barmy family ranging from 1000 ship flotillas swimming down the Thames and nationwide street parties with miles of bunting to the luxurious palace that she lives in, the rehearsed rituals of reverence she takes part in and the overall life of wealth and decadence to which she has become accustomed and you end up with a summary of the truth: the queen is not only pointless and outmoded but also unjustified and costly.
Congratulations to our royal sponger now let’s all hope she doesn’t make it through the jubilee.
Blip (signature placeholder)